Relationship therapy for couples

The idea of coming to couples therapy can be scary for some. Asking for support from another person outside of their relationship could be a harsh realisation that something isn’t working. It becomes real. You never imagined you would be in this situation with this person you were once so close to. The future feels so uncertain.

It could be that you are feeling stuck, misaligned in communication, or just needing help with a particular time in your life. An ‘MOT’ of where you are in your relationship.

Others may see couples therapy as a last attempt to get back what used to be there. One or both of you may be ‘leaning out’. You may feel like this is impossible and there is no other way, your just so tired of it all. For others it may be that you have already decided to separate, but you need help to be able to navigate this time in your lives.

Whatever reason it is you are looking for couples therapy, we start with the relationship and the negative cycle that plays out in every argument or cross word that you experience. We recognise the pattern and familiarity of your cycle. Usually, it will be the same cycle, regardless of what you are arguing about. Most importantly, we look at what really goes on for each of you, what you are really feeling, underneath the behaviours you both see and hear.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a form of therapy that focuses on underlying emotions. Emotions you may never have really connected to. Emotions are linked to our basic needs and are vital for building a balanced relationships where we feel safe with another. They are the key to who we are and how we react.

In the sessions we will slow everything down. We look at how you both get ‘pulled’ into your negative cycle. For example, what behaviours or words from your partner activate a particular response in you. The sessions give you both time to really pay attention to what it is you are really feeling. We go underneath the defensive, guarded behaviour and explore a part of you that you may have been protecting, for fear of being hurt anymore (or again).

When couples can ‘step away’ from their negative cycle by checking in with each other asking “what just happened?”. You can begin to do something different. You can communicate without defences, blame or silence. It is the negative cycle that is playing out, not you. Most importantly, you do this work together. When we get under the surface, couples can enjoy deeper emotional bonds in a loving partnership. Your relationship becomes a safer place.